ersante.com

Although this blog seems so ‘cool’, (like a field with few people walking around) it certainly does have it ‘quite’ visitor. Maybe the one who visit this blog are the type that doesn’t like crowded place. The one with sentimental value and like the feel of calmness. If so then, this is the correct place to be at

It is not that I don’t want to frequently update the entry. It is also not that I didn’t care about the (quietly) people that visited but…at this moment, I have a big project going on. It all began with a proposal and I was picked and paid to do it. And if I manage to ‘craft’ a beautiful written propose and passed, then there will be a LOT more in for me. (Enough for me to buy a brand new car, I suppose?)

You see, I don’t spend all my time on the computer. Sometimes there are things offline awaits me. Truthfully, I’m not that bad chasing money anymore (like in the younger days). Even though I’m not rich, I do have enough money to spend (well, at least on my own) and didn’t have any debt to worry about. At my age, I was able to manage my financial (quite) well. With that, suddenly I felt; what the hell if I have a lot of money but the feeling of emptiness is in me? Almost all the time… Looking back, all those happiness had gone while I’m busy searching for money.

Maybe this is a fate of life. Or maybe it was my mistake? But then, who give a damn anyway? I have to live and walk on as if nothing happens. Deep down in my heart, sometimes I hate life. As if nothing means anything anymore. Beautiful but deadly. Poor but deceiver. Rich but empty.

Well, got to go. Someone knocking on my door. Whoever you are who read this, thanks for visiting. If no new entry posted, then you know I’m still struggling to finish the proposal. I’ll be back with a happy story, or…a bad one. We’ll just wait. (Usually good things are too good to be true in my life.) Hopefully, success! (yeah, right. Whatever…)

Ya. Itulah yang sebenarnya…Budak-budak kecil perempuan sepatutnya lari apabila melihat aku. Mereka tak sepatutnya ber’hai’ atau ‘bang’, berassalamualaikum padaku. Kenapa? Kerana aku adalah penyendiri yang selalu membayangkan aku adalah seorang ‘monster’. Raksasa yang telah banyak menghancurkan hidup seorang wanita…wanita cantik yang berpotensi, bijak dan mempunyai karier yang cerah dalam perjalanan hidup…dan wanita-wanita ini juga merupakan ‘watak utama’ dalam dunia kehidupan cintaku. Terus-terang aku cakap; aku tak berniat langsung mahu menghancurkan kehidupan ‘cinta’ aku itu tetapi takdir telah menetapkan segalanya. Sebuah episod yang dibuai dengan pelbagai janji-janji manis, bahagia yang tak mampu diwujudkan oleh sesiapapun melainkan hanya aku seorang (ya! aku seorang!) walaupun dalam poket (dan akaun) hanya layak dikatakan zero (0 - zaman tu la). Kemudian ia bertukar menjadi sebuah mimpi ngeri yang terpahat buat selama-lamanya…Aku tahu; setiap heroin dalam episod cintaku tidak mungkin (atau mampu) melupakan aku. Aku dapat RASAkan. Aku berkata begini bukan kerana aku merasa diri aku dasyat, tetapi kerana aku tahu SIAPA aku dan SIAPA mereka itu. AKUlah lelaki yang telah ditakdirkan Tuhan untuk wujud dalam hidup mereka dan kemudian meninggalkan suatu kesan kenangan abadi. (Reverse back, sama le tu. Mereka pulak wanita yang di takdirkan wujud dalam hidup aku.)

Aku sama saja macam manusia yang lain. Berhati dan berperasaan. Dahulu, aku adalah seorang pemuda berusia 17-24 yang romantis, kebudak-budakkan, sering ketawa dan mengusik, mengambil berat, berpakaian seperti seorang mat rock (T-Shirt putih dan seluar jeans biru cerah), berambut ekor sedikit dan membawa motor cc150 (RXZ dan NSR). Aku menyintai dan dicintai bukan atas dasar duitan. Aku menghiburkan dan dihiburkan. Aku menjadi tempat bergantung harap kepada wanita yang aku cintai. Abang Fuad adalah gelaranku kerana wanita disisiku sentiasa merasa ingin meluahkan segala masalah yang terpendam apabila memandang kepada wajah ke’bapaan’ku, walaupun di ketika itu usia aku 17-24. Aku tidak pernah meminta wang atau mendesak setiap wanita yang muncul sebagai heroin dalam hidupku. Aku tidak pernah meminta apa2 pun yang boleh menyusahkan kehidupan wanita yang aku cintai. Dan banyak lagi telah aku korbankan demi membahagiakan detik yang muncul ketika itu dalam diari setiap kehidupan wanita yang aku cintai…

Dan akibat dari itu, muncullah sebuah mimpi ngeri yang takkan dapat dilupakan oleh DIA…dan juga AKU, selama-lamanya. Kerana kami tidak bersama. Sedih betui rasanya Setiap seorang dari mereka yang berkahwin, jauh di sudut hati, akan terpahat nama aku di suatu sudut yang tidak akan mampu dilupuskan oleh sang suami (tak, ni bukan perasan, tapi kenyataan). Suami setiap seorang dari wanita yang aku cintai tahu; mereka berkahwin dengan jasad sang isterinya saja…bukan dengan jiwa dan hati mereka yang telahpun aku miliki. Kalau boleh aku kembalikan jiwa dan hati mereka itu, sudah tentu aku lakukannya…tetapi…apalah daya aku. Aku telah melakukan yang terbaik untuk setiap wanita yang aku cintai dan bukan hak aku untuk kembalikannya begitu saja…Maka biarlah mereka menyintaiku…biarlah mereka sentiasa menganggap aku sebagai seorang lelaki yang pernah datang dalam hidup mereka dan membahagiakan. Itu hak mereka. Dan aku sedikit pun tidak berniat mahu meracuni kenangan itu lalu menyiksanya…Biarlah aku kekal sebagai ‘Abang Fuad’ dalam hidup mereka.

Entri ini aku tuliskan demi pembaca malay aku, sempena tahun baru 2010. Ketahuilah; menjadi ‘Abang Fuad’ yang berwajah seperti aku, yang mampu membuatkan perempuan-perempuan cantik jatuh cinta, bukanlah sesuatu yang sepatutnya atau boleh dibangga-banggakan…Bagi aku, ia lebih kepada tanggungjawab. Tersiksa lebih banyak dari gembira. Apalah gunanya wajah hensem tetapi tidak bertanggungjawab? Apa gunanya kalau kosong tidak bererti? Lebih hensem seseorang itu, sebenarnya lebih berat dugaan dan tanggungjawab yang bakal menimpa (itu kalau dia sedar le…). Kehenseman bukanlah sebuah tiket yang membolehkan kita berlaku sesuka hati. Tapi sayang…untuk menjumpai lelaki hensem yang bertanggungjawab dan ‘tidak kosong’, amatlah payah, payah sekali.
Nota: Lelaki, ndak tak ndak, dinilai ‘berharga’ kalau dia mampu berdikari menghasilkan wang lalu membuatkan wanita disampingnya terjamin selamat. Setakat hensem tapi kemampuan banyak kepada tersengih tayang gigi (commercial use), apa skill pun tarak, kuat merajuk, = no meaning. Useless. Manakala wanita cantik terserlah kalau dia pandai mempesonakan diri, mempunyai keperibadian yang kuat dalam urusan ‘keibuan’ dan tak mudah melenting (marah) tak tentu pasal. Kalau sifat ini ada pada seorang wanita cantik, maka dia adalah wanita cantik ‘the original’.

Sekarang kamu semua faham mengapa aku adalah seorang ‘monster’. Aku hadir, membahagiakan, kemudian pergi begitu saja bagaikan angin yang berhembus lalu…Bangun saja dari tidur, ‘Abang Fuad’ kini sudah tiada dalam hidupmu…kerana dia; kembali meneruskan perjalanan untuk menjadi seorang Businessman yang Original, seorang Businessman yang ’skillfull’, yang sudah semestinya teramat, amat sukar untuk dicapai oleh sebarang manusia sekalipun. Hanya tinggal ‘abang Fuad’ saja yang mampu melakukannya. ‘Abang Fuad’ pergi bukan kerana tidak menyintai, tetapi kerana menyahut seruan takdir yang terpaksa dipikulnya. Ianya memang menyakitkan, kerana terpaksa meninggalkan seseorang yang amat dicintai. Tetapi, siapa lagi yang akan sanggup melaksanakan tugas berat ini kalau bukan ‘Abang Fuad’?….
Anyway, bagi aku, setiap wanita yang pernah hadir menjadi heroin dalam hidup aku, adalah wanita yang cukup, cukup istimewa. Setiap seorangnya tiada pengganti. I will always remember each and every one of you (tak banyak, yang terpilih sahaja) until the day I die…Wassalam.

PS: Kalau mengikut penilaian kamu terasa aku ni dah macam merapu-rapu, sorry fren. No hard feelings. Sebab masa aku tulis ni, aku terlebih telan pil penenang….tahun 2010 punya pasal.

That is what I write (carved?) at my desk, tonight. To remember myself not to go and see this guy if nothing really important occurred. He is one of my long time best friend. His home is just ‘across the street’ (nearby). We seldom met and that got to stop. At least, on my part, I must try avoiding him at much cost. Because he never grew up. He’s a good guy but at the same time; a very bad guy…(bad enough to have experience spending time in jail.) I could say that; we’ve been friends enough to see each other downfall and getting up. The problem is; this guy always, I mean always, talk crap. All his says is meaningless! By the time I decided to wrote this, then you know that I have reached my fed-up level to the limits! I’m beginning to hate him. I hate his smile. I hate his voice. I hate his story which is full of fantasy with almost zero doing. Both of us is a grown up adult (with lots of grey hair coming up) but still; he’s trapped in the papa telling you a bedtime story. He got wife and kids, but his life resemble those who doesn’t. Shit! I really hate him tonight. He even have the gut to call me a thief into finding my life income. He said that; if I don’t have my skills (which is right now), I’m just one of those scoundrels whose qualification only suits the need of public service (such as retired security guard, pigeon bread seller, supermarket salesman, government trash collector etc). He accused me of someone who trick people on the internet to make money. He is totally dumb about internet or anything related to computers. He doesn’t know how to speak english. He doesn’t know how to write. But he think he’s smart because of the way he thinks. Personally, I admit he is a rather bit mind active and fluent when talk in public. People sometime impress with the way he come out with something. But then; talking without any real skills involved is just like mama who doesn’t know how to continue papa story. (Waste of time.) He did have skill though; in car spray painting, touch-up, makeover (and some others that related to car). But he failed when the time comes to prove his worthiness. Couple of years ago, he’d shut down his bunk due to a very, very bad management, including his skill serving up his customers need. God have given him a chance and he failed. And he never admit it. He said that the ordeal befallen him is not even a beginning stage of his life. What the hell? You open up a business and then shut down just like that for fun? Losing money, time, inviting people anger (because of very poor performance) is simply just a matter of joke of life? What kind of person are you? You didn’t think about your kid? Your wife? Family?

That’s it. Enough for me. I have skills and I’ve made Profession with it. Means; that my skills are serious enough to be able to support my day life. Not to be making fun of. Tonight I have decided that between us, there is a very huge gap. Sam’s have proved to me that he is more toward worthless than worth to be friend with. He talk thrash, harsh and his attitude is somehow, ‘evil’…I could bash him, punch him, strangle him down to his knees but what’s the point? He’s my friend and I don’t want to spend time in jail just because of an ex-jailer (if I accidentally put him out of his misery). It is best that I avoid him at all cost and continue with my life. I’m gonna leave him. It’s done. We’ve been friends for many, many years. We are not the same. Deep down in my heart, I’m a lovable person. Although my personalities seems (a little bit) harsh, but the truth is; I’m a responsible man. I know when and what between to be serious, and to take a break (relax…). And this guy named Sam seems to doesn’t know the difference. Ta-taa…

Propecia, viagra, meridia, vicodin or whatever, I hate those! These are the kind of spammers who gonna leave your blog with a wide, nice, toothless smile in your comment box. Why are these people always use these kind of marketing method to promote their products? They are worser than any other spammers there is. I guess that; they never learn the right way because they are too obsessed with getting their p#@^e$$! up. If you are one of those who brought bucket of pills or any other pharmaceutical item to be promoted here, then I suggest you hit the road. Or I will personally scope your head with that bucket of yours!

For you who are not the type as described, and someday thinking about setting up a blog (especially in Wordpress), then you will encounter these kind of spam in your early days. Block it. Using the Akismet plugin which come with the standard installation of Wordpress. (Yes. People are too lazy to install it even if it’s free. Because it requires the API key which needed you to create an account with the Wordpress.com, not the org. Me myself only install it after month of months; after those damn comments seldom hit my blog.) Don’t block it; if you are so, so lonely that killing yourself might seems the only way. At least, those sweet lies (given by the propecia, viagra, vicodin etc.) will light your days up a bit. (At the end, you will die anyway…because sooner or later, you will burst in anger looking at those sweet lies every now and then. You will shoot the monitor (first, if you intend to use a gun), and then you will SHOOT yourself!)

Note: If you are in the category of using the proper way (by using Adwords or any other user friendly approach), then I apologize. Don’t add to your marketing campaign with the like of what I’ve just described above. I do admit that people sometimes (or truthfully; most of the time), needs medication (drugs, I suppose). But again; don’t screwed your own business by implementing these kind of spam tactics.

Tonight, I feel that after all these years, I’ve been cruel to myself. Why? Because at that very time, I handle things as though I will get better in the (near) future. The fact is; I never knew when that future might be. Maybe it’s true that my financial income will increase, my looks will improve, my skill will sharpen, and so on; things that related to better lives, better performance. Although I can feel it, but still; I don’t know when. Because of this miss behavior, I’ve lose things that should have been mine at that time just like that… (Like the wind blows…)

Example; if I had only 1 cents in my pocket and at that moment a beautiful lady was there, sitting, waiting for me to ask her for some small meal (hang-out), then I have to figure a way how to actually make it a wish come true. Not another ‘maybe next time, when I have the money’…pah!$#@ The thing is; when I really have the money, that lady were never there. She is some kind of a fate made; appears in a situation when I’m in that kind of budget. To me, sometimes we must accept probably this maybe one of the God test to see whether we can handle it or not.

Realizing that, so from now on, I dramatically change my lifestyle. With or without, I’m going to stay put. And that is to be ‘Me‘.

Dunia Internet Marketing vs Dunia Pengambilan Dadah.

Dua dunia ni sebenarnya ada persamaan yang erat. Iaitu; banyak perangkap, tipu-daya serta angan2. Maksudnya; kalau dalam dunia internet: apa jua cara digunakan untuk menarik perhatian pembaca supaya terpukau, kemudian bawak keluar duit dan busss! “I beli la…” (sebab I believe in you tau!)

Poodah Cit…

Everything seems so late to be finished. That’s the price you’ll pay for being a pro.

Everything is carefully crafted. Almost all sort and point of view been inspected closely, nicely for viewer satisfactory (including mine, of course!). This is because I seldom put myself in the visitor position. Am I satisfied when I surf that website? Is that website treat me like a real person (that is ought to be respected) or like some who knows (and who cares) guy that happens to be accidentally arrive?

Even if you do arrive accidentally at my website, at least it is a chance for me to grab your attention and hopefully, you’ll stay a while and make yourself comfortable. I may not know who you are but to me, every person deserve a little respect, if not much. Personally from a background experience, I have encounter lots of disrespect situation towards me. I don’t really know why I was disrespected but I do know that nobody liked it to be treated that way.

So, for you who are here, I would like to take the opportunity to welcome you over and over again. Probably at the time you read this, I am busy constructing something that will make you; the visitor surfing experience have its own meaning of value. Thanks.

At last, I’m here. At last, I will uncover the truth…