Actually I don’t know what to write tonight…but I don’t know; why I write anyway? Probably because that: I’m in Love. And the person who took my heart; disappear into thin air…I love her so much. My heart keep calling her every second (or even millisecond); in my life, in my sleep. My face resemble a pale feature. Although I walk and look alive as everyone else, but the truth is: I’m not. I have reached the level where I don’t actually care whenever I still woke up the next time I sleep. In my sleep, I’m in pain. In my wake, I’m in pain. Since I was a child, I’ve been dreaming of some woman who can truly make me fall in love – spend my life with her, take care of her, cook with her, story-telling with her, on vacation with her, share my dream and hopes, love her…LOVE her…but when she truly appears in my life, she took my heart, ran away with it and disappear into nothingness; as though nothing worth it, nothing important has come out between us, our fate of meeting is just a coincidence – nothing more than that. I’m just some guy by the street that can be forgotten when time passes by…I’m no difference than those who are at low level self-esteem. I’m someone who can be erased just by going out with some security guard or somebody husband. That’s the woman I love after 30 years of waiting, hoping and preparing.

Now I have (a lot of) money….I can make more and more. But the pain that struck me, makes me spend more and more. My money disappear into thin air…That should have been my marriage for happiness money…but now it became an income for my self-destruct. I don’t feel the money. I don’t feel encourage seeing those money pour in everyday into my account. I even let $60 – $90 burn away into someone else account (which is; my money – a one day income) without bother to ask that person about it. My family think I’m a successful- to-be-businessman. Yes. I am. But becoming that person has its price to pay – and that is to be me

Note: You’re a good and loving woman. Deep down inside; I know you are…It is just my frustration that picture you bad…happy burthday (my love…I’m in tears.)

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